I’ve finally grown the balls to accept, admit and apologise for my mistakes. I’ve also overcome my handicap – clinging to the past too much. I’ve also learned some thing valuable :
“Love brings misery at times. That is not because of your love but because you want love in return”.
I for one, have always believed that I do know what is love. I was angry with Janet. I was upset. I was sad. Is that the best I can do? Is my love that shallow? May be I do not want a relationship with her any more, but that does not change the facts. Just because she doesn’t love me in return, should I change myself? Should I be a sore loser? May be my love for Janet is not the same, but yet I do love her, as a person, as a friend, as my ex-darling? It is not possible for me to just take some one from my heart and throw them away. That being said, I still love Chia Li as well. Please don’t get me wrong! I’m not into polygamy or anything of that sort. It’s just simple friendly love.
“Love is infinite and eternal”.
I’ve always had this thoughts, but was too mature. I failed to follow what I thought was right. I Failed myself.
“Better late than Never”
I called Janet on Friday evening.Wasted a little bit of her phone credits and told her sorry. This is where it gets funny. I’ve apologised to Janet before on the Internet. She never accepted my apology. She was always kinda hostile since the break up and even more after the Ian issue. All it took was a call and she turned into my little puppy. I swear, when I was talking, I remembered an old incident :
It was morning before going to school. My first pet – ‘Tiger’ chewed on my shoes a little bit. I threw the shoe at it in anger. (Don’t start a lecture on animal rights. I was a kid) When I was back from school, He was hiding under my bed. I called his name once with a friendly tone and thats all it took for him to play with me again
You might find it weird but thats how it is. Then I added her on MSN and had a couple of conversations. Things are definitely not the same. I can still sense a bit of awkwardness and hesitation, but I’m happy. I’m happy that the person I very much care about does not hate me any more (at least I think she doesn’t). I’m happy I’ve finally managed to get my feelings through without screwing up things. This was one of the best weekends I had in a while. I have another big reason for this great weekend. I cannot share it with you guys for that’ll compromise the privacy of my friend.
Moral of this story :
It is never late to do the right thing.